ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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