she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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