that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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