I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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