btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
