Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
