yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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