I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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