lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
