I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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