My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
