Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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