just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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