I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
