Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize