am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
