What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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