"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
