Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
