She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
