dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
