We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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