i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
