I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
