This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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