at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
