you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize