And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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