Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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