Having a random hookup so left but love u
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
