I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
