I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
