im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
