also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
