I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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