I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
