You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize