I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
