guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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