nut hugger
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
