I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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