im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
