She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
