your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
