How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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