drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
