I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
