OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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