Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
