wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
