God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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