Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
