Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize