You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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