if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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