The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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