I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
