he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
