THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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