U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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