end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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