Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize