just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i think my cat just said my name.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize