my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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