sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
