$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The power of my boobs compel you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
