I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
