i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
