I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
