you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
