Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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