we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
