there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
