dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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