My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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