he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
