Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He passed out mid-signature
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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