The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
