Kiss
Puke
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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