If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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