I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
