just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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