The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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