oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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