she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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