At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
