i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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