people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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