I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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