i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
