hotel room ftw
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize