I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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