You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
